Sunday, December 26, 2010

Top Comedy DVD's of 2010

I can only pick 9 of these, I'm not as big on DVD's as I am albums. But these are my favorite comedy DVD's of 2010.

9. Lewis Black, Stark Raving Black

While not as strong as Black's previous specials, Black's full performance showcased on the DVD is stronger than the special alone. In this DVD Black talks about his aging, his parents and shares stories of performing after some acts that were impossible to follow. His take on aging is especially good, as he also deconstructs the idiotic things people say around him, such as "60 is the new 40," and as Black says, "60 is not 40. 60 is 60 and 40 is 40, THAT'S WHY THEY'RE DIFFERENT FUCKING NUMBERS!"
Favorite Bit: Black rants about Twitter for about 30 seconds. Concise and brilliant.

8. Dan Cummins, Crazy With a Capital F

Cummins is a great joke writer. He has a very subdued, controlled delivery and pace, but he keeps his special funny all the way through. Not to be missed.
Favorite Bit: Cummins does a bit about how impossible violence is seen in an almost charming light.

7. David Cross, Bigger and Blackerer

Again I would say that this special isn't as strong as Cross previous special/albums. But it is still good. Cross discusses drugs, religion and gets playful at the end with a couple of games he and his friends like to play. There are also some sketches at the beginning of the DVD that are great. My only qualm is that sometimes Cross' personal viewpoints interfere with his comedic flow. But he still fights through it and has some great bits on here.
Favorite Bit: Cross reads a postcard with date safety tips that reads "Remember, alcohol loosens inhibitions, so you may do something you regret...or worse." And then Cross speculates what that may entail.

6. Arj Barker, LYAO

Arj Barker has a great delivery and solid material. He remains very likable through his whole set, and his observational style of comedy is punctuated by his resounding voice. He talks about tolerance for gays, technology, and my favorite, global warming. He also deconstructs water... while talking to water. He even goes deep into a joke and then stops to tell the audience, "Ok, clearly I am not educated enough to finish this joke." It's silly and just a fun DVD to watch.
Favorite Bit: The global warming bit, as I mentioned.

5. Paul F. Tompkins, You Should Have Told Me

Tompkins is one of my favorite comedians out there, and in this DVD he gets a lot more personal, and goes into a more storyteller mode than usual. He shares many life experiences he's had and his anecdotal style is punctuated by his great comedic quips and observations. Many times he will add a "what if" scenario to the true events that happened to him.
Favorite Bit: Tompkins discusses his mother's death and funeral (can you see the hilarity?) but no, seriously Tompkins keeps it heartfelt and funny the whole way through.

4. Kevin hart, Seriously Funny

Kevin hart remains infectiously funny and upbeat through this entire set. Hart is one of the most likable people in comedy, and also knows how to tell a story. Hart isn't a dark soul or a social commentator, but he is very fun to watch and you can't help but have a good time watching this DVD.
Favorite Bit: Hart discusses watching his grandpa fall, and then mocks the way Shaq (who's in the crowd) falls during games. I don't even watch basketball much and it's hilarious to me.

3. Joe Rogan, Talking Monkeys in Space

The ex-host of fear factor and current UFC color commentator puts out another great DVD. Rogan, for the first time starts opening up about his aging ("I got gray ball hair"), and talks about the latest development in his life: becoming a father. The explosive Rogan also discusses drug use and drug commercials at length and it is hilarious. Rogan is one of the more underrated comedians working today, and is much more intelligent than is given credit for. He closes it out with a Q&A session with the audience that Rogan keeps funny all the way through.
Favorite Bit: His Mount Everest bit that he's done on previous albums but is expanded even more here.

2. Bo Burnham, Words Word Words

Bo Burnham mixes original comedic music with a tongue in cheek sensibility. He toys with the English language in numerous ways, and this is in my opinion his best work so far. He not only plays songs, but breaks down the conventions of stand up comedy and soceity as a whole. He even gets serious when he plays a song entitled, "Art is dead," which has a line in it about George Carlin that almost brought a tear to my eye.
One of the must have DVDs of the year.
Favorite Bit/Song: While "Oh Bo" and "Words Words Words" are lyrically unrivaled, "Art is Dead" is the one I can't stop listening to. As a 21 year old comedian I can relate to a lot of what Bo says in it.

1. Bill Burr, Let it Go

No contest. The best comedy DVD of the year goes to Bill Burr. No offense to the other comedians above or ones that didn't make the list, but this was an easy choice to make. In this DVD Burr attacks Mothers, stores that make you "do it yourself" and bankers. If you listen to his podcast you know he can't stand bankers. There's also a cool feature on the DVD where you get taken behind the scenes of one of his podcasts. Burr talks extensively about his girlfriend and his new dog, which he was hesitant to get but now loves. Burr's gift for description and references are at the top class of the business, easily.
Favorite Bit:
Burr closes his set with an excellent bit, about the "Old Man face." An excellent 5 minute piece of how a woman breaks a man down over the course of a lifetime.

Monday, December 20, 2010

What Is Reality, Really?

I never feel like I can truly know anything. Because even science can fuck things up sometimes. I don't trust religion, but you can't fully trust science all of the time either. Because scientists are just people too, and even they disagree with each other about shit. And then some scientists split off into another group that uphold different truths than the first scientists. But they still use the same books as those scientists. But they give a different name to what they believe and it becomes bureaucratic and the larger groups get more money for research so their hypotheses are considered more legitimate than the ideas of the smaller groups of scientists. Seems a lot like Christianity to me.

Pluto's not a planet anymore. Doesn't that bother anyone? That they just changed that so easily? On August 23rd 2006, Pluto was a planet, and had been for many years. That was a fact. And anyone who said otherwise was a fucking idiot. On August 24th 2006, Pluto wasn't a planet anymore, that was a fact! And anyone who said otherwise... was a fucking idiot! Isn't that scary to you? That reality changed overnight! And it's not like Pluto exploded on the 24th and they were like, "Oh well, guess we can't call that a planet anymore," No! It was the same floating massive rock but we just decided otherwise. I mean who came up with that? Was it the father of a child that was going to have to repeat the 5th grade if he failed his Solar System test?
"I'm sorry Mr. Williams your son will have to repeat the 5th grade."
"Wait, what?"
"Well, he failed his solar system test. One question needed him to list all 9 planets and he forgot Pluto. That was worth 35 points."
"But, he can't...I paid a lot of money to put him in this private elementary school...I...I can't afford to pay another year! ...Pluto's not a planet anymore!" and he just slams his ID on the table, "Look at that! You see that?! I'm the chairman of the International Astronomical Union, and I say it's no longer a planet! I'm infallible!!"

That doesn't scare you that other people are redefining your reality? That makes me think I'm going to wake up tomorrow and turn on the TV:

"Reports are in. All 20 dollar bills are no longer worth 20 dollars, they're all now worth a cupcake. And that's the only thing you can trade them for. You probably should've broken them when you had the chance.

Also, all handicapped people are no longer defined as "people" and you are free to kill and eat them if you wish.

Also, Lawson, this life that you're living isn't real, it's just a 21 year pseudo reality that was constructed by the intricacies of your unconscious and every person you've met and every moment you've had is a figment of your imagination and the only real things in the universe are you, a park bench and a lifetime of sugar to keep your energy going. But even that reality isn't real, it was part of the reality constructed by another person's imagination and another person's imagination before that. All of these people sitting on park benches eating sugar, trying to come up with a better world, and it goes all the way back to God himself who created sugar, a park and a bench and tried to think up the perfect world but couldn't, so he created this chain of descendants to do it for him. The goal being that one day one of these people sitting on the park bench would imagine a world without war or injustice. A world where no one goes hungry and no one gets sick, and people come together on even the most trivial of things. Everyone loves each other and no one has to die. And the day that descendant imagines that world, God will use his powers to snap that world into the actual reality, because he always had the power but all he needed was the outline. And there we will all be, all of the people from the imaginations of all of the descendants, living together harmoniously forever. Until the end of time.

...But that hasn't happened yet. And that's why I still say that Pluto IS a planet! Because I'm a cynic, and I don't believe in that type of shit! The reality is that we're all fucked! And until my television starts talking to me, there's no reason to believe otherwise.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Top 10 Comedy Albums 2010

I listened to a lot of comedy albums that were released this year, probably over 20. These are my picks for the top 10 comedy albums of 2010.

10. Matt McCarthy, Come Clean

You may know him from the FIOS commercials as the cable guy, Matt McCarthy is also a brilliant comedian. His debut album is almost like an experiment in stand up comedy, and I mean that in a good way. Many of the bits on this album are very offbeat and you will catch yourself thinking, "What the fuck is going on right now?" but you will also be laughing. Bits like "Badass Poetry" and "Old Suicide Notes" come to mind. McCarthy also does some more traditional stand up bits such as "Unsung Minority" (about being a redhead), and some great observational comedy: "Is it just me, or do way too many funeral homes look like they could be Italian restaurants?"
Favorite Track: "Love", a relatively short bit but showcases McCarthy's knack for ingenuity in writing and stream of consciousness.

9. Glenn Wool, Let Your Hands Go

Strong, funny social commentary anchors the Canadian Wool's debut album. He deals with topics from cocaine to religion and his deconstruction of our society rings with the air of a late era George Carlin. Wool also isn't afraid to get personal as he discusses his dealings with AA and shares anecdotes about his drug use. This is a terrific album.
Favorite Track: "New Swears", the opening track of the album. That's not to say that the album goes downhill after that, but my love for Carlin gave me a love for dark, edgy comedy and for comedy which deconstructs the English language.

8. Anthony Jezelnik, Shakespeare

There is not one joke on this album that is not greatly offensive. There is also not one joke on this album that is not a great joke. This is a very dark and caustic album, and, coupled with Jezelnik's dry delivery, one of the best. At one point on the album you'll hear Jezelnik say this: "If you liked that last AIDS joke...lucky day. You are going to love this next AIDS joke." It's that kind of album. And by that I mean it's great.
Favorite Track: "Standards and Practices", includes a great edgy joke and a great story about how "people, that are offended by jokes...are fucking stupid."

7. Aziz Ansari, Intimate Moments for a Sensual Evening

Ansari's debut album is very strong, as he gives his take on things from gay marriage to Cold Stone Creamery. Ansari is a great writer and an energetic performer, and establishes an excellent rhythm in this album. The album is anchored by Aziz's now famous "Randy" character, who ends the album with 10 minutes of his style of stand up comedy.
Favorite Track: "Harassing Harris on Facebook", As an older sibling, this bit hits me hard. Just the idea of a celebrity like Aziz spending his time annoying his 13 year old cousin on Facebook is awesome.

6. Hannibal Buress, My Name is Hannibal

Hannibal is a great joke writer and his odd premises are thrust into reality by the tone of his voice: laid back and smooth. He sets up so many bits so casually that you go, "Oh that makes sense," but it rarely does, and when he gives even more twist on it it's hilarious.
Favorite Track: "Pigeons Get Murked", Hannibal talks about why he wants to kick a pigeon so much, but unfortunately can't.

5. Sean Kent, Waiting for the Rapture

Sean Kent's style of dark sociopolitical commentary is thought provoking but never preachy. Kent hits his targets hard and without remorse. After an impressive deconstruction of WalMart he closes it by commenting on the people that work there, "I'm not saying I'm better than those people. I don't have to say it, I know it."
Favorite Track: "Anderson Cooper", Kent's take on the earthquake in Haiti turns a mirror on America's morality and is brutally true. Even a heckler disrupting Kent's flow doesn't derail this bit.

4. Brian Regan, All By Myself

In Regan's latest album, he delves into more personal topics, like his kids, his health and how he's getting older. Regan still explores many of the absurdities of the world, and in usual Brian Regan fashion, is clean while doing so. He also is not afraid to reveal his shortcomings in life, such as when he tried to learn about Native American culture at a shoeshine stand (he thought it was the Shoshone tribe.) This album also includes an old Chess joke of his that is excellent, and he finally got it recorded. To me Brian Regan is, bar none, the best clean comedian working today. I'm amazed he's not more famous. Brian Regan may be getting older, but he's still hilarious.
Favorite Track: "Pirates and Pilots", Regan's take on the Somali pirates and the Sullenberger landing are both excellent. And he ends it with a great joke about the balloon boy incident.

3. Myq Kaplan, Vegan Mind Meld

You might know him as a finalist from Last Comic Standing (I thought he should've won), Myq Kaplan's debut album is a fast paced, joke filled frenzy of sorts. Kaplan is a master joke writer with a creative delivery: it's lightning fast. Upon the 3rd time listening to this album I found new jokes I didn't hear the 1st 2 times around. It's almost like having bonus tracks interspersed throughout the album. He toys with the English language in creative and funny ways. He's brainy, but not nerdy; edgy, but not filthy. Kaplan's not afraid to use puns, sarcasm or self-deprecation to get his humor across. Even when his use of puns borders on overbearing, he brings it back by commenting on it, "We made it through the pun jungle everybody. ...Or Pungle, if you will." Great, funny album that has a very relistenable quality.
Favorite Track: "Bigotry is Confusing", I've told Myq this before, he has my favorite take on gay mariage ever. Which says a lot, given how many comedians tackle the issue.

2. Joe Derosa, The Depression Auction

This debut album from Joe Derosa is filled with outrage and social commentary, which are two of my favorite staples in stand up comedy. Derosa deconstructs the malignant aspects of our culture, but is also not afraid to turn the criticism towards himself. He is a man on a mission to better himself, as he talks about how he quit drinking...but he's also got a long way to go, as he still smokes. This album is consistently funny and contains many stories of Derosa's own embarrassing moments as well as reflections on how he can mature. One can see a bit of Bill Hicks in Derosa's work, but Derosa is truly original, as he, unlike Hicks, describes himself as being "politically stupid, and easily led." Derosa anchors the album with his most famous bit, titled "the Worst Gig Ever", about the time he had to perform for Gathering of the Juggalos, a kind of Woodstock for fans of the Insane Clown Posse (who Derosa calls “the worst band ever in the history of man”), held in the woods of Ohio. This album is very relatable and extremely funny.
Favorite Track: "I'd be the Shittiest President Ever", Derosa actually sympathizes with former president, George Bush, and reimagines how events would've unfolded had he been the President on 9/11.

1. Kyle Kinane, Death of the Party

Kinane's debut album is chocked full of stories from his life and the album has a cynical, yet hopeful theme to it. A comparison to Oswalt can be made, but Kinane's view of life is even darker and more self deprecating than Oswalt's, comparable to that of Louis CK. But Kinane is definitely unique. Kinane is almost like a misunderstood visionary, as his sharp outlook towards the world seems cloaked beneath his cranky attitude. Kinane also couldn't be more relaxed onstage, almost like he's not trying to become a comedic character, but he's just naturally funny. Just a hilarious man that can tell a great story. Kinane is a master storyteller, and his ability to describe people/events is comparable of that to a great author. Commenting about a man that came into the bathroom Kinane was in at the time, "I can only describe this guy, as looking frustrated...from having run out of places to tattoo." The album is anchored by Kinane recounting how insomnia can make him become a "Midnight Scientist."
Favorite Track: "Writing on the Wall" (The title of every track is the title of a song on Cheap Trick's "Dream Police.") The Trader Joe bit is an extremely funny observation of the different names used in the Trader Joe store, and Kinane gives his theory on why this might be.

Those are my top 10. Another great year for comedy albums in the books my friends.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Clinician Diagnosis Eats Dick Sometimes

My sister went to see a psychiatrist recently. After one hour from the first time they met, she diagnosed my sister as being bipolar. First of all, my sister is 16. Everyone's bipolar when they're 16. You're out of your mind. Your brain's running through a fuckload of thoughts a day. You hate your life at school and you hate your life at home and you question what the fuck life's even about. Then a girl touches your dick and you forget about it all. ...Although that probably wasn't the case with my sister.

The reason this psychiatrist diagnosed my sister with because she had seen my sister go from very very happy, to very very sad, in the span of an hour. When my sister went into her office, she was happy, and when she left, she was sad. Yeah, it might be because she's bipolar, or it might be because after you spend an afternoon hanging out with your friends and laughing and joking around and roaming wherever you want outside, and then you're forced to sit in a small office with a stranger and tell them everything you hate about your life for an hour...your mood might tend to change.

You can't diagnose bipolar disorder that way. That'd be like showing up at someone's house and giving them a 3 million dollar check, and then telling them it's fake and revealing the dead body of their puppy to them. "Your mood changed suddenly there, might you be bipolar?"

They don't diagnose things properly. That's why I don't always trust clinicians on shit like this. Like ADHD, they don't diagnose that correctly. "Jimmy's not paying attention is history." Of course not, it's boring. Fuck him for not wanting to hear about the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers for 45 minutes, give him some Ritalin to keep him in check. Don't let his mind wander and think about the universe and the meaning of life, he might realize how useless all this history shit is.

This is how they should find out if a kid has ADHD. In the middle of class, have the teacher leave. And let Sasha Grey and Bree Olsen, 2 of my favorite porn stars, come in and just start making out in front of the class. And I'll be in the room at the time to monitor. And if I look over and see Jimmy staring out the window, well you've at least narrowed it down. It's either ADHD or homosexuality.

"At least ADHD has a cure!"

Fuck you, you homophobic bag of shit.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Whether Santa's Real or Not, I Couldn't Care Less

Is anyone else like me, in that when they were a kid, they didn't care whether Santa was real or not? I don't care who brings me the gift. I don't. I don't need a backstory as to how the gift got here. Just give me the gift. I don't need to know how the Playstation 2 made it's way into my house. I just know that now I have a Playstation 2. Even if on a random day in summer a Playstation 2 made it's way into my room and I woke up to find it... I wouldn't even ask how it got there, I'd just start playing it. I'm 9, I don't even question whether God exists or not, you really think I'm going to question how a PS2 got in my house?

That's the thing, parents think, "Oh my child is so innocent and needs to conjure up this fantasy of a jolly fat man with a beard in a red suit with 9 reindeer that puts you on a list and checks it twice..." fuck that. I'd prefer that my parents give me the gift because at least they have an accurate judgment of me. They hang out with me everyday, this fat dude sits up in the North Pole and watches me when I sleep, how is that a good way to judge character? You can't comprehend the human condition, you hang out with elves in curly shoes all day, wearing your dopey red suit.

Red suit. They always say that, but that's not a suit. You've never seen a suit that looks like that, it's a coat. It's not a suit, if you showed up to a job interview wearing that they'd kick you the fuck out.

I don't know if parents understand what kids want. When you're young they bring you to the mall and make you sit on some stranger's lap and everyone has to pretend that he's Santa Claus. Yeah, it's early December, Santa's busiest time of the year, but he's chilling at the Macy's on Atlantic Avenue. Guess all the kids that don't live in New York are fucked, because they can't come down to tell him what they want.
And that was never fun for me. That's like your first job interview as a kid. I was fucking nervous. But my parents would act like it was fun. Because there's nothing more fun than judgment from a stranger! And in the end none of it mattered. I was nervous for no reason. I didn't have to do any of it. Like what, if I had shit in his lap were my parents going to return all the gifts they had already bought for me, just to continue the ruse?

And when are you supposed to tell your kids? What's the cutoff point? You need one, because otherwise you'll have a 27 year old kid living in your basement thinking that Santa's real and the government can be trusted. Probably not a likely source for grandchildren.

So when, 12? What if the kid's born a few days before Christmas (like I am), do you spring it on him then? "Happy 12th birthday! Santa's not real!" Or do you wait until the summer so that you don't fuck with his head, associating his birthday with his knowledge of the Santa Claus lie? But the problem is there, you tell him in July, December rolls around and he's like, "I can't wait for Santa to bring me my...oh. Oh yeah...I remember now..." You're fucked either way.

It's weird that society expects you to lie to your kids about that. They expect you. In this country, you're a bad parent if you don't lie to your kid. because all the fucking parents do it. And if you tell your kid santa's not real then your kid will tell the other kids at school that will go tell their parents and all of a sudden you're a villain, for exposing a lie that those fuckers perpetuated to begin with. Parents always tell you not to give in to peer pressure, but even they can't rise above it. "Don't drink, don't do drugs". Yeah well don't lie to your fucking children.

And that's the only reason parents do it, is because it's so widely accepted. You're allowed to lie to your kid about that one thing. What if I told my child that Bigfoot was real. And that he visits our house one night every year. And that he better be good or otherwise Bigfoot will break all of his game systems. And one day my kid wakes up and sees a giant footprint on his floor that I drew the previous night.

People think it's harmless. "It's just a white lie about Santa Claus, who could it hurt?" Sure, it's just a child, your child...that trusts you implicitly, but why don't you push this lie into their little trusting head that they'll definitely figure out is a lie later on. I'm sure that won't create a sense of distrust between you. I read an article that said atheism is increasing in children... no shit. When you tell your kid that Santa, the tooth fairy and God all exist, and then later you go, "Well, 1 out of 3 ain't bad right?"
"Fuck you mom and dad, It's 0 out of 3!"
All you're doing by telling your children that Santa Claus exists is creating a contrived means to control your child's innocence. That's all it is. And that's fucking sick. "Oh you're so innocent you'll believe anything I say! Santa's real and I'm always right!" That's fucked up. Just stop it.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Tyler Clementi, the bigger picture

Tyler Clementi's suicide was a tragedy. Those two students that filmed him were voyeuristic pieces of shit. But I hate how everybody's acting as if this is an anti-gay issue. Seth Walsh's suicide was an anti-gay issue. He was bullied for being gay until he couldn't take it and hung himself. Tyler Clementi's story was a privacy issue, that just so happened to deal with homosexuality.

The two Rutgers students that filmed him were only taking part in a similar voyeurism that this whole country takes part in. So much of our culture is based on, "Ooh, did you hear what so and so did?" and "Did you see the pictures of blah bitty blah?" and "I bet Tom Cruise is gay." We do this shit all the time. And how dare the shitty media paint these two Rutgers students to be villains when the news pulls the same shit all the time. If the news had found a video of Tom Cruise kissing another man, that shit would spread like wildfire. "Ooh, look we got him! We outed Tom Cruise, tee-hee-hee!" But that's an invasion of privacy that we're comfortable with. It'd be hypocrisy in its finest hour.

"But Lawson, Tyler Clementi was just a student at a college, not a celebrity." So fucking what? That's how this abhorrent cultural wave got started. As if for some reason because someone becomes famous, we have a RIGHT to know everything about their personal life. When Tiger Woods made that public apology, I was more confused than anything else.
"Why is he apologizing to the public? We have nothing to do with who he fucks. Absolutely nothing. We watch him hit a ball with a stick." were the thoughts I had.

A voyeuristic mentality fuels behavior like this. You think these Rutger students would've invaded Tyler Clementi's privacy like this, if it didn't seem so accepted to do in popular culture? We, collectively, are like a bunch of peeping Toms. And the news are our binoculars. "Let's see whose private lives I can look into today..."

It's not a gay issue. It could've been anything they were filming that was private. If somebody just filmed me naked without my consent I'd consider suicide. Seriously, my nude body put on the internet, would make me consider ending it all. I'm in horrendous shape. That's a fucked up thing to do. I don't want anyone to see this, except a girl that I had already lured into my bedroom with my charm and sense of humor.

The two Rutgers students invaded Clementi's privacy for the same reason the news invades the privacy of celebrities: ratings. Now of course the Rutgers students ratings system is a bit different, it's just be other dumb college students going, "Hey I saw that video, that's fucking crazy man!" but you get my point.
And let's be honest, if when you were in college, somebody had sent you a video they made of a fellow student fucking a guy, or fucking a girl, or masturbating, or just crying into his pillow yelling at the demons to leave him'd watch it. Multiple times. And as you're watching it, you wouldn't think, "Boy this seems wrong to be watching this. I hope the embarrassment that this person will feel from the wide distribution of this video won't lead to his suicide." No, you'd just watch it and laugh. I know I would.

So let's stop acting like this is some sort of anti gay issue, it's a privacy issue. That's the big picture. Let's stop being voyeuristic cunts and start taking some responsibility for the culture we've created.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

R.I.P. Greg Giraldo

I don't really give a fuck when most celebrities die. Even if they die young. But Greg Giraldo's death has gotten me quite upset. If you look over at my list of 20 favorite comedians, you may notice Giraldo isn't on there and go, "Well, what the fuck? Not even top 20, and you're broken up about him?" Well, just know that Giraldo would've been #21 on that list. In fact, his last album is one of my top albums of the last decade.

On top of that, what's upsetting about Giraldo's death to me is that I feel like he had finally reached a point in his comedy career where he was getting the recognition he deserved. Just about all of my favorite comedians working today are around that late 30's to mid 40's age range, Giraldo died at 44. It takes many comedians that long to get recognized. He didn't put out his first album until 2006, when he was 40.
Giraldo had also been through a lot. A couple of divorces, drinking wasn't a walk in the park for him. He finally overcame his drinking demons in '05.

He was a great comedian. Original, daring, insightful and fucking funny. When I watched the Flavor Flav roast, Giraldo was slaying it. About 5 great slams in a row, and he continues the rolling laughter by saying that Flav "looked like a skeleton wrapped in electrical tape." I've never laughed harder at anything in my life. I've laughed about that hard at some things, but that brought me to my pinnacle of laughter.

R.I.P. Greg Giraldo. The comedy world will miss you.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

A phrase that should no longer exist

Here's a phrase that should probably disappear from the English language: "Excuse me, there's a lady present." Oh really, so what does that mean? All the fun I was just having must now end? I can't talk about blowjobs or tell shit stories or make an AIDS joke, because your delicate lady-like ears might hear it?
This isn't 1873, with women wearing corsets and their hair tied up and piled on their heads... not being able to listen to the men discuss business. It's 2010, women are supposed to be equals now.

What the fuck, I know a lot of girls that I could say anything I want around them and they wouldn't freak out. And by you saying, "there's a lady present" you're being very insulting towards them. Like they're not ladies just because they're adults and hearing me talk about shitting doesn't make them cry and run away.

My sister is 16 years old. She's 16, and she calls me a cunt every other day. I call her that too, we're cool like that. We used to play a game where we would call each other cunts as loud as we could. We would just yell that at each other in the house, and it was freeing to be able to do that.

"Lawson's a cunt!"
"Bryce is a cunt!"
"Lawson's a CUNT!"
"Bryce is a CUNT!"

and we would laugh hysterically.

But my sister is a lady. She goes to a Catholic school, a lot of girls there with the short skirts and tight blouses on. My sister dresses conservatively. And she's pretty too, it's not that she's covering up a terrible body. She's in great shape, she does yoga and shit. On top of that, she's abstinent. She doesn't want to have sex until she finds someone who's worthy. On the flip side, I talk about a big shit I took and I hear other girls saying, "Excuse me, there's a lady present," meanwhile they had a different dick in them every night for the past week. Oh really, I can't talk about shit around you, but you tossed the salad of a guy who you just met because he told you he was a director and could get you work, when really he just sells bootlegged DVD's outside of a Rite Aid?! Go fuck yourself.

Because it's "ladies" like you that made me think for a long time that women aren't funny. Wanda Sykes is a lady, and she has a bit where she talks about how cool it would be to have a detachable pussy.
So fuck off!

What's even worse is when guys do it. When a guy says, "Excuse me, there's a lady present," because it's always his girlfriend and the only reason he's he's trying to stop me is so she doesn't see him burst out laughing about the juvenile thing I'm about to say.

I'm going to tell you this story, about the first time I heard anyone use that phrase. I was in 6th grade. I was hanging out with my best friend, Cris Vergara in the school library. And we were on the computer, we were sharing it. Not because we're gay, but he wanted to show me something. ...Not his dick. Anyway, we were on the computer and ironically, he was showing me a website that had jokes on it. Some website with jokes that I guess had been compiled and most adults probably knew, but we were in 6th grade. So he showed this to me, and one of the jokes he opened up went something like this:

A man finds a magic lamp, he rubs it, and a genie pops out. The genie says, "I will grant you 3 wishes." And the man says, "I want to be young forever!" and the genie snaps his fingers and the man is 21 again, with a full head of hair and no wrinkles. Then the man says, "I want to be rich forever!" and the genie snaps his fingers and the man is littered with gold. Then the man says, "I want to be irresistible to women forever!" and poof, the man turned into a tampon.

Now, I'm in 6th grade, I don't know what a tampon is. But my friend does and he's laughing his balls off. i want to understand the joke, I want to be in on it, so I ask him, "What's a tampon? Dude what's a tampon?" But he won't tell me, he's being an asshole. He just keeps laughing. So I ask louder, thinking that that'll make him tell me so now I'm going, "What's a tampon?! What's a tampon?!" he still just keeps laughing, now not at the joke anymore, but at the fact that I keep persisting in asking him. So now I'm mad and I'm like, "Dude seriously, what's a tampon?!! What the FUCK is a TAMPON!!?" I'm yelling that in the goddamn school library. Then I hear a voice behind me go, "Excuse me..." and I turn, it's a classmate of ours, a tiny 6th grade girl. And she says, "Excuse me, there's a lady present." And I was so embarrassed. But I thought she was mad at me because I was yelling, not about the tampon thing, so I said, "Oh sorry." Then I started whispering to my friend, "Hey dude, what's a tampon?"

Later, when I found out what a tampon was, I got the joke and had quite the belly laugh. But what that girl said always stuck with me. "Excuse me, there's a lady present." I mean obviously I wasn't trying to be rude, I had no idea what we were even talking about. That bitch should've just told me what it was so I would shut up. And again, she's not a lady. She's not, she's an eleven year old girl. There's nothing lady like about her. She was probably still picking boogers out of her face and smearing it on the wall. She hadn't developed class yet.

It's a bullshit phrase that keeps women down, and it needs to be erased.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Favorite Comedy Albums of the Decade (Part 2)

Jim Gaffigan, Beyond the Pale (2006) 8/10

The man with the "inner voice" displays his best work of the decade on this album. Yes, he will talk for an hour about food and being lazy, because that's what the man knows. In fact, 12 of the 21 tracks are named after something having to do with food. His material is also clean, which has helped him in being marketed, but by no means does clean mean unfunny. He is a joke craftmen, and this album showcases it best.
Fav track: "Hot Pockets", of course. Gaffigan's best bit he ever wrote on Hot Pockets is present on many of his albums, this just so happens to be the best album it's on. Yet, it's still the highlight track. I remember seeing this bit for the 1st time on TV when I was 14, and that day I learned a completely new definition of laughter.

Marc Maron, Tickets Still Available (2006)

Maron's takes on life, love and politics rank second to none in this album. What makes this album so great is Maron's need to present a human connection between himself and his audience. Maron gets very personal talking about his manic-depressive father, "it's very exciting, half the time", his wife and dealing with his own self hatred. Maron also discusses his Jewish heritage a great deal and tells the story of the first time he came out as a Jew onstage. This album is very funny and very thought provoking.
Fav track: "Life", seems generic enough, but Maron sums up a lot of things in 5 minutes. It ends with an attack against PETA, which is great.

Demetri Martin, These are Jokes (2006) 8.5/10

Martin is a joke writing king, and this album extensively displays those talents. His deadpan one liner style is reminiscent of the great Steven Wright, but Demetri isn't afraid to use unconventional methods either, such as music or having someone else describe his more visual jokes.
Fav track: "Sames and Opposites", Demetri plays guitar while describing how some things are the same or opposite, even if the things don't appear to have any relation at first.

Patton Oswalt, Werewolves and Lollipops (2007) 9.5/10

Oswalt's 2nd effort might even eclipse the first. This album has Oswalt dissecting everything from the New Star Wars trilogy to why 60 year old women shouldn't give birth. Oswalt's ability at storytelling is great and his writing is phenomenal.
Fav track: "Clean Filth", Oswalt shows us how cleaned up, G rated language can be more horrifying than just plain dirty language.

Paul F. Tompkins, Impersonal (2007) 10/10

This IS my favorite album of the decade. I don't know if there's much more to say than that. Tompkin's wit is satirical and his delivery is epic. He deconstructs big targets like Hollywood (Tomboy) and nonsensical ones like Sesame Street. Every track on this album is A material. I wish I had 3 bits as good as the weakest 3 bits on this album.
Fav track: "Peanut Brittle", Tompkins' take on an apparent modernized version of prank peanut brittle cans. It builds up substantially as the bit progresses, as Tompkins imagines how these prank cans would be impossible to avoid getting fooled by. This is one of my favorite bits in history, the 1st time I heard it I was fucking captivated.

George Carlin, It's Bad for Ya (2008) 9/10

Carlin's final effort before his death was one of his best. As always, Carlin's not afraid to point out bullshit when he sees it. He starts the album off by saying, "Fuck Lance Armstorng" and, while he's at it, "Fuck Tiger Woods too", because he's tired of being told who his heroes ought to be. Unfortunately he died before knowing that many women took the 2nd suggestion quite literally.
Fav track: "You Have No Rights", by the name alone, you can tell Carlin is about to drop some heavy fucking news on you. And he does so logically and intuitively, as always. This is one of Carlin's biggest statements he's ever made, up there with "There is no God" and "The Planet is Fine" (the people are fucked), and of course the earlier bit on the 10 commandments. R.I.P. George Carlin, and thanks for this final message you gave us.

Bill Burr, Why Do I Do This? (2008) 10/10

If I made a list of comedians that were not getting the mainstream success they deserve, Bill Burr would be #1. One of the best working today, arguably THE best, Burr's take on race relations and gender relations is so refreshingly funny, and also brutally honest. He talks about black/white relations better than any comic, black or white, working today. The man is a goddamn genius when it comes to seeing beneath the surface of our culture, which is why he's so good.
Fav track: "Muffins", right after Bill talks about having fucked up thoughts, as many guys do, he shares a story about one specific fucked up thought that he had. And yes, muffins were involved.

Louis CK, Chewed Up (2008) 10/10

Louis CK is my FAVORITE comedian working today. The man is a goddman dark genius. His take on raising children is the most honest and yet painfully funny out there. Also, you're going to want to check out his One night stand half hour special and his hour long special, "Shameless." Those 3 releases combine for 2 1/2 hours of some of the best stand up you'll ever see/hear. CK is getting into a rhythm of putting out amazing special after special a la Carlin.
Fav track: "Deer", Louis CK fucking hates deer, and he'll tell you why.

Andrew Daly, Nine Sweaters (2008) 8.5/10

Andrew Daly does 9 different characters, and the transition from each one is seamless. Each character starts out to be semingly normal enough. But then the pathos of each character is revealed, some slowly, some dramatically, and the result is always geniously funny. Daly has a knack for building up to a crescendo of comedy, as many of his characters plunge deeper and deeper into their psychological depths and the result is some very dark but hysterical revelations.
Fav track: "Life of the Party Inc.", Daniel Mahoney wants you to hire him to be the life of your party. Although, within the 13 minutes of this track, you may reconsider doing so.

John Mulaney, The Top Part (2009) 9/10

I hadn't really heard of John Mulaney before I listened to this album, but trust me, it deserves a spot on this list. Mulaney's storytelling abilities rival that of Patton Oswalt, and his knack for observation and joke construction are excellent. In "Top Part", Mulaney ponders what he'd be like as a drinking 8 year old, why people lump in bad movies like Scarface with the likes of the Godfather, and whether the biblical story of King Solomon is all it's cracked up to be.
Fav Track: "Law and Order and Mr. Jerry Orbach", Even if, like me, you haven't seen more than 5 minutes of Law and Order, Mulaney's deconstruction of it is spot on and extremely funny.

Greg Giraldo, Midlife Vices (2009) 8.5/10

Greg Giraldo was always the funniest guy at the comedy central roasts, and his previous release, "Good Day to Cross a River", was a superb debut album. What makes "Vices" so great is Giraldo's ability to spot inconsistencies in our culture but then give them his own dirty twist on them. In one track he complains about George Bush's chauvinism when he gave a massage to a German lady, as Giraldo claims, "With German women, you gotta shit on them first!" Giraldo is a master of the craft and Vices is an extremely relevant and funny album.
Fav Track: "Texting/Technology/Wall Punching", one of these things is not like the other, but Giraldo gives his hilarious take on all of them.

Favorite Comedy Albums of the Decade (Part 1)

Comedy took a left turn at shitville in the 90's, but it has been revived in the 2000's, with a lot of it due to the fact that alternative comedy really took off. I hate that it's called alternative comedy, it's stupid to divide it like that, but a lot of the alt comedians have put out some great shit this past decade.
Of course, there were also some outstanding albums done by more well known comics, George Carlin and Chris Rock, namely. All in all comedy's begun to rise up again in this decade, and so here is my list of my favorite comedy albums of the decade. Remember, these are my picks. Also, the list only goes up to 2009, because that's the end of the decade. I'll make a list of my favorite albums of 2010 at the end of the year.

George Carlin, Complaints and Grievances (2001) 10/10

Carlin is my favorite comedian of all time, mainly due to albums/specials like C&G. The man did 13 HBO Specials, and this is up there with the best of them. The man doesn't play games, he will openly and outwardly destroy a target he deems worthy, whether it's people who have annoying answering machines, or people who wear visors, or people named Todd...Carlin attacks every target from all different angles. He's crude, yet insightful. Angry, but sort of silly too. And most importantly he's genuine and hilarious.
Fav track: “Why We Don’t Need 10 Commandments,” Carlin dissects the 10 commandments, and at the end of it, dares God himself to prove him wrong... by striking Carlin dead. What fucking balls.

David Cross, Shut Up You Fucking Baby! (2002) 9/10

King of the indie comedy scene, if it may be called that, Cross gives social and political commentary throughout this album that really shows America's mindset following the events of 9/11. I know none of us really want to revisit that time, but when this came out this album could not be more relevant and it is still hilarious to listen to today. Yes, he's insanely liberal and more sarcastic, but that's how Cross confronts his targets, and he's extremely funny while doing so.
Fav track: “Playing Pool With My Wife” (all of the titles are non sequiturs), where Cross shares a couple of anecdotes about living in New York during “the week football stopped.”

Mitch Hedberg, Mitch All Together (2003) 9/10

Mitch could have become a legend (to some he already is) had his life not ended prematurely due to a drug overdose in 2005. He only released 2 albums during his life, this being the second. ("Do You Believe in Gosh" was released posthumously in 2008). Hedberg's signature stoner delivery mixed with his incredible one liner's makes this album a must have.
Fav track: "Sesame Seeds", Mitch discusses Sesame Seeds in hilarious ways, "What does a Sesame seed grow into? I don't know, we never gave them a chance! What the fuck is a Sesame?"

Dave Attell, Skanks For The Memories (2003) 10/10

Many of the things Attell discusses seem to be everyday topics for comedians to discuss. Namely: sex, drinking, drugs, dick jokes...but Attell just so happens to be an excellent writer. His combination of dirty material mixed with non sequiturs and his unmistakable delivery make this album EASILY one of the best of the decade. What's also great is, people start walking out of his show after he's onstage for about 3 minutes! Attell brings this to the attention of the listener, and then goes ahead and records one of the best albums ever. Too bad for those people that left. Eh, fuck 'em.
Fav track: "Travel", even the most common themes can be made hilarious if you're just that damn good, which Attell is. "I hate traveling, maybe because my dad used to beat me with a globe."

Christopher Titus, Norman Rockwell Is Bleeding (2004) 9/10

Christopher Titus is a master storyteller, and in this album he shares his entire life up to that point with the audience, and it's funny as shit. Not only because Titus' upbringing was quite hectic, but also due to his ability to mix in punchlines to keep his stories interesting and fluid. I say stories, but it's really one long story about his life, and it's awe inspiring to listen to.
Fav track: "Last Girlfriend", the longest track on the album, Titus describes the insanity he suffered under his ex's iron fist.

Patton Oswalt, Feelin' Kinda Patton (2004) 9.5/10

Oswalt's debut album is about as good as any there have ever been. There is also an unedited version of this masterpiece, 222, which I now prefer because of the insight it gives into stand up comedy, but for enjoyment purposes, "Feelin" is about as funny as can be, even if you don't know the topic Oswalt is discussing, you will laugh your ass off about it. Oswalt talks about what he wants to talk about, and he's a master of joke construction. One of the bits he does, "TIVO", actually was written into the storyline of King of Queens on some episode. Whatever, fuck King of Queens, but seriously buy this album.
Fav Track: "Stella Doro Breakfast Treats", Patton discusses a cookie commercial that is also the main reason why he's afraid of getting married.

Doug Stanhope, Deadbeat Hero (2004) 9/10

Comparable to Bill Hicks and Lenny Bruce, Stanhope is a man that's brutally honest and outspoken and could be considered the greatest social critic of this generation, picking up the baton from Mr. Carlin. Stanhope is controversial and makes his points unapologetically and without wavering, and he doesn't even do clubs. "Hero" is one of many excellent albums of his you could purchase.
Fav track: "Free Country?", America's not a free country, says Stanhope. After listening to this you'll find it hard to disagree.

Jim Norton, Trinkets I Own Made From Gorilla Hands (2005) 8/10

Jim Norton is the ruler of American cringe comedy. I also enjoy this meaty breasted zilch (his words) on Opie and Anthony, he's so quick and can dissect a topic in seconds on that show. His stand up is on par with that. In this album he discusses the blackout of 2003, his hatred for people with OCD, and extensively, sex.
Fav track: "Relations With The Elderly", this joke takes a horrid turn, and it's cringe inducingly funny.

Lewis Black, Luther Burbank Performer Arts Center Blues (2005) 8.5/10

Black became a mainstream success due to his signature style of ranting and angry outlook towards the world. The man appears to be on the edge of a stroke every time he hits the stage. This album has him covering the Janet Jackson Superbowl halftime controversy, and how America's reaction to it seems very out of place. Black's always been one of my favorites, and I consider this to be his best album.
Fav track: "America Loses It's Mind", Black discusses the aftermath of the halftime of 04, and how America's reaction was completely idiotic.

Chris Rock, Never Scared (2005) 8.5/10

The man's a legend, there's no doubt about it, and in "Never Scared", he gets even more personal here. After all, he's married with a kid now. Don't worry, Rock's take on these topics are fresh and funny, although the album does have some bonus skits in it that will not be up to par with Rock's actual stand up.
Fav track: "Smack Her With A Dick (Rap Stand Up)", Rock discusses why defending rap music is a lot harder than it used to be. "If the beat's alright, she will dance all night!"

Daniel Tosh, True Stories I Made Up (2005)

Now known for his hit show Tosh.0, Tosh is a master of combining fast paced edgy jokes with non sequiturs, leading you in circles while you're laughing your ass off. He says horrible things, but laughs as he does it, and his jokes are raunchy yet smart. None of his jokes follow the same format, so it's hard to guess his rhythm, and unpredictability is a plus in comedy. You'll love this album.
Fav track: "The Coprophagia Diet", the longest track in the album, Tosh discusses the type of restaurant he would open up were he to win millions of dollars.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Haiti, where are they now?

I honestly didn't understand the whole fuss about the earthquake in Haiti. And I'm not trying to be mean, I'm actually just bewildered by the fact that people all of a sudden gave a fuck. There were celebrities running down there to raise money and it was all over the news. That doesn't make any sense, because that place has been a shithole for years. For decades it has been a pile of shit. And then the earthquake happened and everyone was like, "Those people need help", No, they needed help before that! At that point, America was like the shitty parent that waits way too long to do anything for their kid. Their kid's all fucked up, shooting heroine and beating up other kids. Torturing small rodents in the basement. And the parent's like, "Oh, it's all right it's just a phase. He'll be fine. No reason for me to do any parenting now, I have more important things to focus on, like my career." And then one day, boom, the kid snaps and kills somebody, and the parent goes, "Oh, he really needs some help." Well where the fuck were you before?

That's like ignoring an HIV patient until he gets AIDS and then being like, "Oh shit, you need help! This is serious!"

And where are we now, America. It's been, what, 6 months since the earthquake, does anyone know what's going on in Haiti right now? That's why the TV news is shit, because in their minds news is only newsworthy for maybe a couple of weeks. Unless you're Michael Jackson and you died. I looked it up, and apparently 95% of the rubble is still fucking there. We haven't done shit. We cared for a little while, and then some oil spilled over the Gulf so we said to Haiti, "You're on your own!" and nothing's been accomplished.

I actually saw, a couple of years ago, before the earthquake, a news story about how in Haiti, they had gotten to the point where they were making dirt cookies to eat. You didn't mishear me, they made cookies, out of dirt. I loved that they called them dirt cookies too, almost like they're a treat or something. Imagine that, imagine the pain that mother had to go through,lying to her child, like that. "Here, since you've been such a good little girl, here, have this dirt cookie." It's not a cookie, it's fucking mud held together with salt and butter, literally too. You ever be eating something shitty and you say to your friend, "This tastes like mud with salt", and then you laugh at the clever simile you just came up with? These people actually eat that shit! They don't have a clever metaphor to use!
Little Haitian girl walks up to her mom, "Mommy, can I have another dirt cookie?" "Now now, you know you can only have two cookies for dessert, you don't want to become spoiled. You don't want to fatten up now, otherwise you might not be accepted onto the school cheerleading team."

I remember watching that news story, because I was eating dinner at the time. And, my mom had made for me, roast chicken, yellow rice and string beans. And I have to tell you, those string beans, were a bit dry. So I ate the chicken and rice, but then the string beans, I dumped in the trash. Freshly cooked, probably about half a plate's worth, "Ah who'd want to eat this, fuck it." Also, my dad had been encouraging me to drink more milk so I can grow and develop strong bones, but I fucking hate milk. But he'd know if I wasn't drinking it because the container would be full, so I just took that half a gallon of fresh milk and just emptied it into the drain. Right down it goes, nobody's going to be drinking that.

Hey don't judge me, I'm not the only one that does it. The fucking news lady with nice hair and a nice blouse, watched these Haitian people make cookies out of dirt, and then probably ate a lobster dinner that night and then went home, jammed a finger down her throat and puked it up intentionally, so that she can stay thin enough that maybe one day she'll be an anchor.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

We get it, you don't like Dane Cook

I watch a lot of stand up comedians on youtube now. Because I'm a fan of stand up comedy. But there's this new phenomenon going around where, this is what'll happen:

You watch a video of some guy performing at comix or carolines or collegehumor or whatever. And it doesn't really matter how good I may think he is. Generally the comments go like this: 8 comments saying that they like him, and then one comment of a guy saying he's not that good. And then, a bunch of responses to that one guy, saying, "I guess you can't appreciate how clever this guy is. Who do you like, Dane Cook?" or "I guess he's not Dane Cook funny," or "What do you need, to laugh, some guy hopping around like Dane Cook?" I'm like holy shit, we get it. You don't like Dane Cook. I mean, I don't even like Dane Cook, but I don't go around pretending that I'm some stand up comedy aficionado because I don't like him. I think the inner conversation these people have while they write these comments must be, "You don't like the comedian I like? Well I'll teach you about comedy." Dane Cook is at the top f the list of getting shit on. Him, Larry the Cable Guy and Carlos Mencia. And the only one I hate of those 3 is Mencia. Because he is an absolute joke thief. I've seen enough proof. Larry the Cable Guy has his audience, he's a funny guy, might not be your cup of tea but whatever. But if you're going to scapegoat a guy at least don't be so fucking predictable.
I saw a guy on youtube once say he didn't think George Carlin was funny. I youtube argued with him for a week. I couldn't disagree with him more but at least he took a chance and put his opinion out there.

Me persoanlly, I don't really like Robin Williams. I never hear anybody say that, maybe there are people but I don't know them. And once again I'm talking about stand up, if you want to critique Patch Adams that's your own perogative. But I've watched his Broadway special and his latest, "Weapons of Self Destruction", and I realized I never really thought Robin Williams was funny. Honestly his style is comparable to that of Dane Cook's. But Robin is beloved, I guess. And I don't go around youtube saying, "What? You don't like Sean Patton? Who do you like, Robin Williams?" Because chances are good they'll say, "Yes, I do. What's your point?"

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Action Stars, nobody can take Jackie

I'm tired of listening to people debate who the greatest action stars are and not even mentioning Jackie Chan. Look, I know this is America and we think everything here is better than everything anywhere else.

Well wake the fuck up.

The fact is that Hong Kong action in the 80's is the best action you'll ever get. Now listen, I am a martial arts fanatic. I admit it. But that's not all Hong Kong has to offer. They offer the best stunts, the best gunplay (Jon Woo, nuff said) and the best overall action sequences.

And the King of HK during the 80's was Jackie Chan. People in America might only know Jackie as the silly old man, especially now that he's doing films with people like Billy Ray fuck Cyrus. And they watch him bond with Chris Tucker and Owen Wilson and go, "Look at that Chinaman. Doing his flips and throwing his high kicks, what a goofy Chinaman." Well, fuck you very much. If you want to see what Jackie Chan was capable of doing in his prime, check out films like Police Story, Police Story 2, Project A 1 and 2, Wheels on Meals, Dragons Forever, Armor of God I and 2, Legend of Drunken Master. Yeah, he still does flips and throws high kicks, but he's also fucking insane and hardcore. And if you're one of those people that say that Jackie Chan can't act, check out Heart of Dragon. And if it doesn't make you cry, then you know that you're a piece of shit.

I hear some people complain that Jackie Chan doesn't speak English well enough. They can't stand his accent. I guess people like their action stars to be eloquent and easy to understand, like Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Well, you're idiots. If you think Van Damme and Chuck Norris made good martial arts films, go watch some HK films and realize you don't know what you're talking about.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Test Blog #1

Hooray I just set up my own blog. I can't wait to see what this meaningless post will look like.