A phrase that should no longer exist

Here's a phrase that should probably disappear from the English language: "Excuse me, there's a lady present." Oh really, so what does that mean? All the fun I was just having must now end? I can't talk about blowjobs or tell shit stories or make an AIDS joke, because your delicate lady-like ears might hear it?
This isn't 1873, with women wearing corsets and their hair tied up and piled on their heads... not being able to listen to the men discuss business. It's 2010, women are supposed to be equals now.

What the fuck, I know a lot of girls that I could say anything I want around them and they wouldn't freak out. And by you saying, "there's a lady present" you're being very insulting towards them. Like they're not ladies just because they're adults and hearing me talk about shitting doesn't make them cry and run away.

My sister is 16 years old. She's 16, and she calls me a cunt every other day. I call her that too, we're cool like that. We used to play a game where we would call each other cunts as loud as we could. We would just yell that at each other in the house, and it was freeing to be able to do that.

"Lawson's a cunt!"
"Bryce is a cunt!"
"Lawson's a CUNT!"
"Bryce is a CUNT!"
"LAWSON'S A CUNT!"
"BRYCE IS A CUNT!"

and we would laugh hysterically.

But my sister is a lady. She goes to a Catholic school, a lot of girls there with the short skirts and tight blouses on. My sister dresses conservatively. And she's pretty too, it's not that she's covering up a terrible body. She's in great shape, she does yoga and shit. On top of that, she's abstinent. She doesn't want to have sex until she finds someone who's worthy. On the flip side, I talk about a big shit I took and I hear other girls saying, "Excuse me, there's a lady present," meanwhile they had a different dick in them every night for the past week. Oh really, I can't talk about shit around you, but you tossed the salad of a guy who you just met because he told you he was a director and could get you work, when really he just sells bootlegged DVD's outside of a Rite Aid?! Go fuck yourself.

Because it's "ladies" like you that made me think for a long time that women aren't funny. Wanda Sykes is a lady, and she has a bit where she talks about how cool it would be to have a detachable pussy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8FfFwtL91Q&feature=related
So fuck off!

What's even worse is when guys do it. When a guy says, "Excuse me, there's a lady present," because it's always his girlfriend and the only reason he's he's trying to stop me is so she doesn't see him burst out laughing about the juvenile thing I'm about to say.

I'm going to tell you this story, about the first time I heard anyone use that phrase. I was in 6th grade. I was hanging out with my best friend, Cris Vergara in the school library. And we were on the computer, we were sharing it. Not because we're gay, but he wanted to show me something. ...Not his dick. Anyway, we were on the computer and ironically, he was showing me a website that had jokes on it. Some website with jokes that I guess had been compiled and most adults probably knew, but we were in 6th grade. So he showed this to me, and one of the jokes he opened up went something like this:

A man finds a magic lamp, he rubs it, and a genie pops out. The genie says, "I will grant you 3 wishes." And the man says, "I want to be young forever!" and the genie snaps his fingers and the man is 21 again, with a full head of hair and no wrinkles. Then the man says, "I want to be rich forever!" and the genie snaps his fingers and the man is littered with gold. Then the man says, "I want to be irresistible to women forever!" and poof, the man turned into a tampon.

Now, I'm in 6th grade, I don't know what a tampon is. But my friend does and he's laughing his balls off. i want to understand the joke, I want to be in on it, so I ask him, "What's a tampon? Dude what's a tampon?" But he won't tell me, he's being an asshole. He just keeps laughing. So I ask louder, thinking that that'll make him tell me so now I'm going, "What's a tampon?! What's a tampon?!" he still just keeps laughing, now not at the joke anymore, but at the fact that I keep persisting in asking him. So now I'm mad and I'm like, "Dude seriously, what's a tampon?!! What the FUCK is a TAMPON!!?" I'm yelling that in the goddamn school library. Then I hear a voice behind me go, "Excuse me..." and I turn, it's a classmate of ours, a tiny 6th grade girl. And she says, "Excuse me, there's a lady present." And I was so embarrassed. But I thought she was mad at me because I was yelling, not about the tampon thing, so I said, "Oh sorry." Then I started whispering to my friend, "Hey dude, what's a tampon?"

Later, when I found out what a tampon was, I got the joke and had quite the belly laugh. But what that girl said always stuck with me. "Excuse me, there's a lady present." I mean obviously I wasn't trying to be rude, I had no idea what we were even talking about. That bitch should've just told me what it was so I would shut up. And again, she's not a lady. She's not, she's an eleven year old girl. There's nothing lady like about her. She was probably still picking boogers out of her face and smearing it on the wall. She hadn't developed class yet.

It's a bullshit phrase that keeps women down, and it needs to be erased.