I honestly didn't understand the whole fuss about the earthquake in Haiti. And I'm not trying to be mean, I'm actually just bewildered by the fact that people all of a sudden gave a fuck. There were celebrities running down there to raise money and it was all over the news. That doesn't make any sense, because that place has been a shithole for years. For decades it has been a pile of shit. And then the earthquake happened and everyone was like, "Those people need help", No, they needed help before that! At that point, America was like the shitty parent that waits way too long to do anything for their kid. Their kid's all fucked up, shooting heroine and beating up other kids. Torturing small rodents in the basement. And the parent's like, "Oh, it's all right it's just a phase. He'll be fine. No reason for me to do any parenting now, I have more important things to focus on, like my career." And then one day, boom, the kid snaps and kills somebody, and the parent goes, "Oh, he really needs some help." Well where the fuck were you before?
That's like ignoring an HIV patient until he gets AIDS and then being like, "Oh shit, you need help! This is serious!"
And where are we now, America. It's been, what, 6 months since the earthquake, does anyone know what's going on in Haiti right now? That's why the TV news is shit, because in their minds news is only newsworthy for maybe a couple of weeks. Unless you're Michael Jackson and you died. I looked it up, and apparently 95% of the rubble is still fucking there. We haven't done shit. We cared for a little while, and then some oil spilled over the Gulf so we said to Haiti, "You're on your own!" and nothing's been accomplished.
I actually saw, a couple of years ago, before the earthquake, a news story about how in Haiti, they had gotten to the point where they were making dirt cookies to eat. You didn't mishear me, they made cookies, out of dirt. I loved that they called them dirt cookies too, almost like they're a treat or something. Imagine that, imagine the pain that mother had to go through,lying to her child, like that. "Here, since you've been such a good little girl, here, have this dirt cookie." It's not a cookie, it's fucking mud held together with salt and butter, literally too. You ever be eating something shitty and you say to your friend, "This tastes like mud with salt", and then you laugh at the clever simile you just came up with? These people actually eat that shit! They don't have a clever metaphor to use!
Little Haitian girl walks up to her mom, "Mommy, can I have another dirt cookie?" "Now now, you know you can only have two cookies for dessert, you don't want to become spoiled. You don't want to fatten up now, otherwise you might not be accepted onto the school cheerleading team."
I remember watching that news story, because I was eating dinner at the time. And, my mom had made for me, roast chicken, yellow rice and string beans. And I have to tell you, those string beans, were a bit dry. So I ate the chicken and rice, but then the string beans, I dumped in the trash. Freshly cooked, probably about half a plate's worth, "Ah who'd want to eat this, fuck it." Also, my dad had been encouraging me to drink more milk so I can grow and develop strong bones, but I fucking hate milk. But he'd know if I wasn't drinking it because the container would be full, so I just took that half a gallon of fresh milk and just emptied it into the drain. Right down it goes, nobody's going to be drinking that.
Hey don't judge me, I'm not the only one that does it. The fucking news lady with nice hair and a nice blouse, watched these Haitian people make cookies out of dirt, and then probably ate a lobster dinner that night and then went home, jammed a finger down her throat and puked it up intentionally, so that she can stay thin enough that maybe one day she'll be an anchor.